Rich had his retirement official recognition two days ago. I was unprepared for my own grieving. And my own momentary panic.
When Rich panics - we are walking into the unknown - he moves faster and gets it done. When I panic - I sit to think. I stop and consider. We ying/yang in our own little dance.
Yesterday, I panicked. So I sat, and took a long walk.
In the midst of it, Laina sent this really fun link to a type of dressing your body type called the Kibbe system. It's actually quite amazing, but it involved taking a pic of yourself in a bathing suit or something that shows your body. I can tell you, knowing what my body composition really is, I was depressed looking at that picture that shows weight gain altering my whole shape.
But my bone structure is unchanging. I needed just a little something unchanging to think about. I don't mind getting older. Still there are certain foes I'd rather not face.
But on my walk, I realized a sweet thing. I've always known pretty much who I am style wise. My hesitancy is that might style is (surprise ) based on being different and creative. In fact, my body practically demands it as I am mostly a "Flamboyant Natural." It's an oversized, mix and match, free spirited with power, separates are my friend look. It's no surprise that this body type is a transitional body that can pull from the Dramatic on one side and the Natural on the other. It's a flowing non fitted style but not boho because it needs a bit of chic to pull that off, and less "noise" in the form of lace or tiny trim, but it's not a fitted suit or tailored look either because it needs a bit a flow to keep the length and proportion. Freedom of movement is crucial. (Which is SO crazy because all of this is what I explained to my faithful friend, Sandy, who went on a shopping excursion with me recently.
The only thing I balk at is the big jewelry. I hate wearing it. BUT my testing shows a Gamine essence which is the personality side of the system. This essence expresses creativity through more simple and innocent yet confidence mix and matching.
The breakthrough came in realizing that my mom is a "Gambine" and Classic to the core. She shops in the petite section and looks great in conservative and tailored clothing. Those clothes are for petite bones and darling faces. And when I was little, she dressed me like a Gambine, but I was miserable. I wanted the trendy, creative clothes. To mix jeans with a peasant blouse and have slightly messy hair without being messy. But I went back to comparing myself to others and trying to fit their clothes on my body. I went back to kindergarten days with my pixie haircut and tailored jumpers. And how I ached for long hair and more feminine clothing even at that age. And all this time, I have felt guilty about it. Like I was doing something wrong or rather not getting it right.
The crazy thing is that actually getting it right for my bone structure means less structure. I was not created to be confined and highly defined.
Laina is yet another type, so I pray she will have fun and be completely free to embrace her own style no matter how I missed it for her growing up.
I want to embrace the fun of this. I want to lose weight so that it is less complicated to pull off. But a huge blessing is that my style will accommodate any phase of my life.
Living Lightly today looks like leaning in to gratitude. Embracing where I am TODAY and taking baby steps toward being more myself than ever.
I'm doing this late, but not too late.
I'm having to cast off some shame. The Bible talks often about what people and even angels wore and how the Lord is preparing to beautifully clothe us. I'm uncomfortable with that because the classics in my life proposed that modesty was achieved through timeless, solids and unchanging lines which to my personality feels lifeless, but on them looks stunning.
I'm not gonna explain the system. You can delve into on your own. It's just a tool, not a religion.
But I do want to embrace the freedom of a set of guidelines. It saves SO much angst and time to know what you are not as well as what you are.
Off to a better day.
love,
Lydia
©2023 Lydia D Crouch
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