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Day 14: The Big Closet Cleanout

Writer's picture: Lydia CLydia C

Today was the big brave day. The letting go of lies day. The "stop trying to dress a different body than the one you're in" day.


I needed help. I called Sandy. She came with her great sense of her own personal style and sat patiently on my bed while I tried on countless bad items and other beautiful items that are 2 sizes ago when I felt fat.


Sot the lie then and today was that I didn't deserve to dress my heart out. I dressed like a wife should, like a Camano Island, Washington artist should, I dressed the way a person afraid of her own dreams would.


The thing is, I'm very confident in many, many ways. I can write honestly about myself and not worry. I can paint live in front of anyone who walks in from all over the world and know that I'm not the best painter in all the world, but I would paint anyway.


But for all the reasons I've already written about, going through my closet and getting rid of what's "not me" took sooooo much courage. I thought, honestly, that if I did give up everything that wasn't me there wouldn't be anything left in my closet.


Well, my denim worked. My shoes worked. And the rest I narrowed down to fit and color. There are about 6 tops that feel like me and 2 sweaters, maybe three. But I now can fill out the list of what to slowly hunt for.


So here's my wish list:


-maxi stone colored trench coat with hood

-2 pairs nicer slacks (navy, wine)

-boyfriend jeans

-cropped tailored top (linen? lace? briton stripe?)

-waffle weave soft pink or ivory button down (Pact)

-maxi denim skirt (ordered one from Everlane)

-travel gear (fast drying)

-"Poetry" blouse (a romantic, full sleeve, ultra feminine, natural fiber blouse

-ivory tank top

-ivory cashmere tee (Pact)

-pink buttondown

-my "wow" color green shirt - something unique

-Paris pink sweater or jacket to dress items up a little

-A line skirt (midi or maxi) in tencel fabric

-Daughters of India" maxi or midi dress


What I had too much of in my :

Black, black, black, black


Insights:

-you don't earn the right to be outside who God made you inside. You just receive it and do your best to achieve it within your resources and your budget

-I do not to live with fashion shame or shame of any kind

-This will take some time

-I need the help of others in this area

-Buying good quality is wise if I stay true to who my heart is made to be rather than imitating others who have money to buy without it making a big impact


MAN does it feel good to put all that stuff in a big DARK garbage bag that I can't see through to doubt myself. And to leave it all downstairs in the mudroom so I don't dig back through it.



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