
Today was the big brave day. The letting go of lies day. The "stop trying to dress a different body than the one you're in" day.
I needed help. I called Sandy. She came with her great sense of her own personal style and sat patiently on my bed while I tried on countless bad items and other beautiful items that are 2 sizes ago when I felt fat.
Sot the lie then and today was that I didn't deserve to dress my heart out. I dressed like a wife should, like a Camano Island, Washington artist should, I dressed the way a person afraid of her own dreams would.
The thing is, I'm very confident in many, many ways. I can write honestly about myself and not worry. I can paint live in front of anyone who walks in from all over the world and know that I'm not the best painter in all the world, but I would paint anyway.
But for all the reasons I've already written about, going through my closet and getting rid of what's "not me" took sooooo much courage. I thought, honestly, that if I did give up everything that wasn't me there wouldn't be anything left in my closet.
Well, my denim worked. My shoes worked. And the rest I narrowed down to fit and color. There are about 6 tops that feel like me and 2 sweaters, maybe three. But I now can fill out the list of what to slowly hunt for.
So here's my wish list:
-maxi stone colored trench coat with hood
-2 pairs nicer slacks (navy, wine)
-boyfriend jeans
-cropped tailored top (linen? lace? briton stripe?)
-waffle weave soft pink or ivory button down (Pact)
-maxi denim skirt (ordered one from Everlane)
-travel gear (fast drying)
-"Poetry" blouse (a romantic, full sleeve, ultra feminine, natural fiber blouse
-ivory tank top
-ivory cashmere tee (Pact)
-pink buttondown
-my "wow" color green shirt - something unique
-Paris pink sweater or jacket to dress items up a little
-A line skirt (midi or maxi) in tencel fabric
-Daughters of India" maxi or midi dress
What I had too much of in my :
Black, black, black, black
Insights:
-you don't earn the right to be outside who God made you inside. You just receive it and do your best to achieve it within your resources and your budget
-I do not to live with fashion shame or shame of any kind
-This will take some time
-I need the help of others in this area
-Buying good quality is wise if I stay true to who my heart is made to be rather than imitating others who have money to buy without it making a big impact
MAN does it feel good to put all that stuff in a big DARK garbage bag that I can't see through to doubt myself. And to leave it all downstairs in the mudroom so I don't dig back through it.
Comments