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I already had to play "catch up" with this 365. I'm conscious of it. Living it. But recording it is a challenge.

I can do almost anything for 3 days. Then I falter under perfectionism. I give up if I misstep. This is living heavy because it's shame based thinking.

I may write more today. I may not. We'll see. Every single day can't be profound, or can it?


Today I have felt completely uninspired. Empty. But not alone.

I've had great interactions today with people I knew and people I just met. Job perk. Hugs are my norm and I love it.

Like anybody else on planet earth with a phone, I kept looking for some sort of connection on my socials. But what I'm looking for isn't there. It never is.

Sometimes, when I don't know what direction my life is headed, I go blank like this. And this kind of empty is heavy. Odd, because empty in physics is lighter than full normally. Not so in the spirit. Empty in my soul means often a feeling of distance from Jesus who is my LIGHT.

I hear him whisper, "Live lightly." And the operative word is LIVE.

Rich has only 3 teaching days left. Three! I was unprepared to mourn with him. Our whole way of life, the energy that fed our daily chats in part - even if it was how to overcome a situation - will be gone. Our whole married life has been framed with teaching.

Rich is on his way to pick me up from The Commons so that we can attend a retirement gathering. So very, very strange. Maybe I'm feeling old. Old people retire. But, I'm SO ready to go - go to the next stage of life, go see Europe and Israel - and to learn new things.

There. There it is. I now know what I need. I need to learn something. I always feel this way when I need to be in the company of others in a learning setting.

Sometimes, just unpacking is all it takes to get un- heavy.

Feeling lighter already.

Thank you, Jesus.



©2023 Lydia D Crouch

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