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Day 3: Finding Lydia

Well here I am for today's selfie feeling no more secure today than yesterday. But, these jeans - to my mother's angst - are good friends. They were thrifted. My blue Birkenstock sandals were a find at Nordstrom rack. The tee shirt is one of my designs. All profits go to ministries who rescue and provide long term recovery for human trafficking. Naturally, the shirt itself is fair trade. Same for the hat. This hat has my signature/logo on it in an almost imperceptible blue embroidery. We have so many of my other hat designs floating around that Rich and I kept getting confused. LOL. I layered up silver and gold together on my left wrist and actually like it! Memories of a family trip, high school and Rich's mom. Managed to pull off - I think? - the simplicity of wearing only 3 colors at a time for harmony? Do the blues have to be the same shade?

How I feel: satisfied. Still struggling with the weight gain but I've already lost 10 so I'll hang on to that victory. Seriously, there are women twice my size with 5 times my confidence! So this is not a weight disorder but an image disorder. Working on telling myself the truth "all in here." But I do love the combination of clothing.

How others reacted: a mix. Hats can make you invisible if your head is down toward a screen or canvas. But if I had been serving something and interacting, that would not be the case. Got complimented on my look by co-workers. And we are all starting to care a little more. We are rubbing off on each other.

The assignment today Style Therapy is to look at the worst that can happen if I don't change my style to my best version of me. (NOTE: I'm not using her headings because you might want to get the book and I don't want to cheat you of reading her thoughts. Plus, I don't want to infringe on copyrights or her profits.)

But the worst would be this: I will not be free to be me. Ever. No one will take the real me seriously because they will never see her - the elegant, expressive, effortless, ethereal me. And I will be very lonely becasue I'll not want to go anywhere looking like fmy drepressed version of coping.

If I stay stuck, I'll eat more and literally get uglier inside and out. Ugly is a state of mind. It's the scowling, frowning, wallowing attitude that works its way from my heart and mind outward to body shape, clothing and facial expressions. That repels people. I create my own prison.

Today is July 4. Independance Day. Seems appropriate somehow to begin my journey toward personal style freedom.

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