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Day 6: Finding Lydia

Anthropology Summer maxi. Blue Birk sandals. Thrifted light weight denim jacket. Hoop earrings. Bangle bracelet paired with cuff monogram bracelet. Both silver. Beach curls in hair.

Not gonna lie. This ticks all the happy boxes for me.

Elements of :

European esque (sheesh, just looked up how to type a check mark on a mac. Did you know it's not really simple?)

Effortless - check

Ethereal - check

Easy Elegance - check

I can pair this same dress with white sneakers or dress it up with a soft shoulder scarf and Paris Pink heels. And a more blingy necklace.

This was an investment piece. In the past, Anthropologie was fair trade. Not so sure anymore. Will need to refresh my info.

The assignment today was to go through her checklist of what would make a complete wardrobe.

These are basics I'd love to save for:

•bone/ivory maxi trench coat

•a pair of charcoal blue dress pants (do those even exist?)

•a lace (LINED) maxi skirt

•a travel skirt, maxi a-line or flair. (denim? Tensil? quick dry?)

•ribbed feminine white ankle socks

•a dark dressy jacket that's is sort of cropped (moto?)

•a boho maxi or midi in a soft creamy tone

My goal is to get these second hand or fair trade. Is that possible? Maybe. Will I just do without? Maybe.

But assignment aside, yesterday I asked the honest question "What is at the root of my lack of confidence?" When we ask Holy Spirit these honest questions, I find they are usually answered quickly. Maybe it took us a long time to get to the right question. That's another discussion, but this morning I received my answer in two paragraphs.

Philippians 4

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all people. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."


from Ephesians 4

"Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building up the one in need and bringing grace to those who listen.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, in whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. (and this is how you avoid grieving Him. Italics mine)

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, outcry and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you."

When those two paragraphs got blended into my morning coffee, here's what I realized:

If I pray anxious prayers, I get focussed on anxiety, not Jesus.

I become like what I behold.

If my spirit is gentle, it's because the Holy Spirit in me is gentle. The Bible over and over describes God as Father, God as Jesus and God as Holy Spirit as gentle. All powerful, yes, but that gentle thing is important to God so it needs to be important to me.

The Lord is near. Why would I worry if He's here? And what would I voice about another person if He's literally here listening? I am His child. What am I voicing about His creation that would grieve Him?

And there it is.

My body does what my brain tells it to. But I did a quick deep dive into the role our heart has in all of this. Apparently, our brain does what our heart is convinced of.

Think about my addiction to sugar. If I change my habit toward sugar, but my heart does not change then my unhealed heart will simply find another outlet. But if I am healed and single hearted, then sugar is no longer an idol, counselor, bandaid, boredom fix, rock to hide under, vice or whatever I've let it become or have been taught to let it be in my life.

But above all, what words am I speaking over myself and others? I grew up with a family voice that was highly critical of others. I learned that language very fluently, although I thought is was an ugly language so instead of speaking it over others so much, I learned to speak it over me. After all, if every other person had something worth criticizing, then naturally the same must be true of me.

So today, I'm forgiving them for teaching me to think in lies. Today, I forgive them for teaching me that good appearance will make you deserving of acceptance. Today, I forgive them for handing me a warped ruler by which to measure my body and those of others.

There. I will be kind and tenderhearted to my misguided mentor. And by forgiving them, I'm clearing out more space in my heart's closet for Holy Spirit to dwell. I do not want to grieve the one who loves me best.

I repent for speaking ill of my mentor and for speaking over them the same way they taught me to speak over others. No one deserves that. Not me. Not others. Not my mentor.

I repent for being angry and not letting it go because I was using it to shield me for more hurt to come. My heart was full of unbelief that Jesus loves me as much as He said He does. I am the liar. Not Him.

And He loves me, forgives me, mentors me, is patient with me... and is tender and kind with me.

And to top it off, we went to see "Inside Out 2" and some repressed emotions from my preteen years got to be included. Nothing gets left out. Just acknowledged, loved and put in the healthier position with Joy at the helm.

That's not bad for one day of learning.

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