Ok then. This one is going to be tough.
Look back at incidents when your relationship with your body became negative:
My earliest memories about body were scratchy outfits. Tights that fell down and my mom using suspenders under my dress to hold them up. Try being a preschooler and going to the bathroom having to pull up krenaline and deal with suspenders. But I did love my shoes.
Even earlier, beyond my first memories was every single person ever getting evaluated by my Dad according to their weight or how they looked. I am not exaggerating when I say every person ever. If any person were discussed - ever - their appearance was discussed.
I knew it was wrong even in my little child days. But I adored my dad. So the perfect storm for food disorders and fashion trauma was the plate I ate from.
Top that with every single meal being a grammar lesson and being required to hold my fork properly before I really even hold a fork at all.
I'm crying right now.
Step 2: Find and describe a part of my body I love and describe it
My eyes. I've always had long eyelashes and I like blue green in general. Eyes communicate love and joy.
Step 3: My own definition of beauty is changing. My body is older, but it carries me so faithfully through the day. Even consultants admit that my body is hard to fit, so why should I compare myself to hired/airbrushed models who are 5'7" in a size 2! That's a lot of pressure to keep up. No one will really remember how I look. They will remember how I made them feel.
I want to dress in a way that makes me feel like I can relax and love people well. I want to feel good: unconfined, fresh, adventurous, wise, elegant in a casual European way, original, vibrant without being flashy, romantic without being sexy. Flashy an sexy have no depth. I pretty much love deep water.
3 Thing I can do to improve my relationship with my body:
Be thankful for this amazing home I live in
Keep it healthy
Learn my lines and feature that vertical line in every outfit until it is just automatic
Put "poetry" (ethereal/romantic/expressive/inspiring/"Europe" history/vibrant/creative/refined). into every day's outfit and activities
Give it space, rest and fresh air
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