Shots fired

Today was that day. ugh.


On hold for over 40 minutes, then on hold for most of the time I was with a rep for Dad's long term insurance.


Then my mom had a medicare call. The rep signed her up under an alternate venue to get her doctor included, only the computer didn't cancel the first one. This will take several more phone calls to straighten out. Another 2 hours.


Each phone call requires a minimum of 2 hours. Yes, that's right. A minimum.


Went to see Dad. Cut his hair. Got to see Graham Kerr, dear friend and mentor. I miss him like crazy. Took him back to his room absolutely amazed he hadn't said a word about anyone's obesity. But no. Last comments before I left.


Emotional triggers being cocked, shot, fired and hitting the target - me - all day.


And I told him God made elephants and flamingos. Maybe the heavy people weren't missing out on a thing!


I came back home.


Went to Mom's room to say hi. Talk went back to insurance and bills. Told Mom I didn't want to talk about it anymore. Saturated.


And she said, "OK, but..." Told her again. "I understand, but let me just tell you this one thing.... " Over and over until I was about to scream again. So I told her I loved her and left.


Earlier today I had to go in the bathroom for a primal scream. Not my style.


It is crazy.


It is stupidly difficult.


But God.


and between that period and this dash - He comes in to intercede. I don't know how yet. But He is here.


Love is on the loose.


I am here. And He is here. And we are here.


Even if this breath is all we share, it is a good breath.


And in all this, just like in Bethlehem, a baby came. My cry became his cry.


My hunger became his hunger.


My need for Abba became His.


And oh how I need this baby this year.





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