As I typed that title, I thought, "Most people will read that and think maybe I am out camping by a beautiful mountain stream." LOL
It's not nearly so deep.
I hear the water running upstairs, which means someone is awake and soon my time alone will morph into breakfast prep, encouragement giving and the joy of loving on my "fambam" as Laina labeled us.
But I'm here with HS. I am so guilty of running off before I sit to listen. Argh. Sorry, HS.
OK - here's the deal.
I keep trying to BE something, even here in this blog and this website. I keep trying to be impressive so people will like me. I keep forgetting how loved I am. How secure in Jesus' arms. Those same arms He stretched out on the cross to give me this security.
About this blog and this website... I kid you not, launching this thing has been one of the biggest spiritual battles of. my. life!
I started with wordpress, who I LOVE.... but "this bed is too big!" said Lydialocks.
Then I went to Weebly. After wordpress and all it's options I felt like "this bed is too small"
Then I landed here at WIX. I'm learning my way around, but it does seem that "this bed is just right"
But THAT was not the real battle.
The real battle was ME.
Me trying to do it all on my own.
Me making it all about me.
Me thinking I had to make it work.
Me placing SO much of my personal value on how this blog and site work, and fearing how I would look if it doesn't work!
All the time wanting to please God as if He wasn't already please with me. As if I had to perform for His love.
I am crying now... again.
One day recently - at yet again some weird thing happening in the building of this website - Holy Spirit said, "What if we make this our website? What if we do this together? You asked me to teach you how I do business - how it is done in heaven and how it works if it comes on earth..."
It was the most gentle invitation.
Now, for every delay and weird tech problem (Yes, the support will say "This is really strange...") I am learning to take it as a time for a consult with HS.
I am learning to ask, "What am I missing?" And then, I am learning to wait... to listen.
If you, dear reader, have found this blog and I sound weird to you, that's ok. Don't worry about it. Just take what you want. Truth is truth.
But I am here for - well - me... and learning to be me with Holy Spirit rather than for. Whenever you might choose to accept Jesus, in that very second of transaction you get invited to the most loving interaction with Holy Spirit. The one Jesus said would come and teach us all things...including daily life, even on a blog.
I hope it does not sound irreverent to call Holy Spirit "HS", but I tend to nickname the ones I love the most. If we're going to be friends, I will probably call you "lovely" at some point.
And THIS is the most jumbled rambly post EVER.
But, oh! Holy Spirit, if you could come kiss the forehead of every reader who stumbles onto this rather hidden post... thank you for being here with me on OUR blog within OUR website. Thank you for wanting to coach me. I'm undone and overjoyed. I love you!
love,
Lydia
©2019 Lydia D Crouch
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