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LIVE LIGHTLY: Days 16-19

Whew. Behind. Whirlwind. Blessed. Overwhelmed. Tired. Inspired. Tired. hopefull. Tired.

If I wanted to do a 365, I failed.

If I wanted to lose 20 pounds before a wedding, I failed.

If I wanted to clean out the garage, I failed.

If I wanted to be the perfect daughter to my mom, I failed.

If I wanted to exercise daily, I failed.

If I wanted to finish a painting last week, I failed.

If I wanted to go on, I could.

But honestly? These past few days have been like whiplash through my past! Dear Reader, this entry may not make ANY sense to you, but I have to blurb it out a bit to try and look at it from a distance.

It seems like every milestone location of my life has been revisited here in the past 4 weeks. It started with the wedding in Santa Barbara and picking the kids up from the airport. They'd just been in S Africa doing ministry together for a month. They have both found their home. Laina began her new staff duties today and Davis is saying goodbye to North Carolina as he waits for his visa to process. I took Davis to the light rail for his flight early on the morning of Rich's last day of school. He is now retired. As Rich retired, we saw teacher friends we haven't hugged in over a year. Then his last concert. So many memories of a stage filled to overflowing with kids singing and loving it. Then Amy from the elementary mom days. She now sits near us at church and has suggested we do a small group together with our husbands. Leslie from my own school days in Alabama visits. We haven't connected in years. Jed has come back to The Loft that used to be his studio and I feel secure. He's the one who got me there in the first place. Betsy reached out from across the street and the neighbors got closer. I'm headed to a prayer meeting that drives me by our first house here on the Island where our kids were born. We went to a barbeque hosted by the family who now live in the house my parents had until they moved in with us. It was the first time I've been in that house since we moved my parents out of it in that season of trauma. Laurie and Yvonne went to see Pamela who now has dementia. She was in our first plays we did - even before SHOW&TELL days. I got an email that there's an open event for Rock House Center in Nashville in Auguest. It "just so happens" we will be there already for Leanna's wedding and the meeting date is the one day that is open in our schedule. Leanna was in SHOW&TELL with us from the beginning and is now a recording artist with songs being featured even on American Idol. We took Sandy to the airport and it did my heart good to reconnect with her. We've gotten busy. We went to Granville Island and it was fun to revisit Canada where Davis went to college. And we went to a luncheon honoring the 2 ministries God gave us to support years ago - which are now working together to provide long term recovery for victims of abuse and trafficking.

I said to Rich, the only gap from all the disassociated parts of my life is YWAM Hawaii. And then I went to the studio yesterday and in walks Libby! She'd been to visit Graham and is here for her grandchild's wedding. (I came here to Camano to work for Graham Kerr, the former Galloping Gourmet.)

It's been overwhelming emotionally to have my whole life come back to visit. Not bad. All sweet. But BIG. It's like all the previously unconnected threads just got woven into something. All I can see is the backside of it, at the moment. No idea what the picture is.

I haven't heard from Mitzie or the Edgewood house. I think that might close the circle.

And you wonder.

The fatalist side says, "Is this your way of wrapping things up? Is something bad about to happen?" And in that case, your heart starts racing. Did I do enough? Did I love people well? Did I bear fruit? Lord, I still haven't even gotten to pray with someone to meet you? And I never got skinny again.

Do you see the disfunction in all that?

It's all about MY efforts to please God. The humbling part of all this is that all these people love me. It's overwhelming how kind they are. They all saw me face life and win some days and get slapped down on others.

And here I sit, on the verge of something. And I am clueless and powerless.

So I get to choose. I can put my full weight in the one who is carrying me, or I can cling nervously and make it harder to be carried.

So here's a couple of pics from the past few days just for fun.

I'm just gonna have to hold this loosely,


©2023 Lydia D Crouch

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