me? launch?

Lydia C
2 days ago
3 min read

In just a couple of hours, I'll be heading to my tiny little book launch. Who am I to have a book launch anyway? Anyone, and I do mean anyone, can write a book and have it printed like I did.

But here we are. Launching. It's humbling.

Most humbling is the response that has been coming in. People are actually reading it! Some have said they cried. Some liked my writing itself. (so humbling). Some say it's too deep to read all at once. Some have said they couldn't put it down and read it straight through.

I don't really know what to do with ANY of that. I guess I didn't really even consider it after a while.

I'm still in the thick of living it!

This morning, I woke up after having one frustrating dream after another about a friend from years back who regularly abused my boundaries. In my dreams, she was once again busting through and acting in presumption about what she declared I'd be ok with which always meant me taking responsibility for her issues and never reciprocating.

This is one reason I hate sleeping in. I dream annoying dreams.

But dreams serve a purpose. I needed to forgive her. Again.

And that's how forgiving goes. Did she really do anything that needed to be forgiven. Yes. But this time, if only in my dreams, I informed her that she didn't get to make decisions for me. In my dream, I made other decisions from her plans in order to protect my family. It meant that her family was a little hurt by me because she had told them I would be caring for them without ever consulting me. In my dream, I realized that I couldn't help that. She would have to tell them the truth and apologize to them - or add another lie to the first one to defend the fact that she was the root cause of their hurt. Either way, it wasn't anything I could carry for her. It needed to land back in her lap.

As I woke, I saw what the patterns had been. Where I had let her create a co dependent scenario that I accepted and contributed to.

So I chose to forgive her. To no longer hold her accountable for setting me up. To forgive myself for contributing to the pattern. And to wake up free to a new day. A launching for my own heart.

I reread the chapter I wrote about the dress called Noble Work or (70x7). It's a double story.

But not until today did I realize that part of the definition of our Noble Work is the hard work of forgiving.

I highly recommend a small but mighty book by a writing friend of mine, It is incredibly approachable, packed with practical and insightful step to healing for your own soul by learning (and I do mean a process) how to forgive.

The last time my friend was in town, I saw her from a distance and didn't make an effort to get her attention. In fact, I almost hid. Now that I've done some heart work, I wouldn't avoid her. But I wouldn't put myself in harm's way or try to re-establish what never really was. Still, I can now freely pray God's very richest blessings on her life and on her family.

And if, for whatever reason, I get wounded again, I will not wait so very long to run to Jesus with my skinned-knee- heart. He always meets me with kindness and cleansing.

He wants us insanely free! Extravagantly free! Not to just go give paybacks, or treat them as they treated us. That's still bondage after all. No. Free in the work of the cross to forgive as many times as it takes to become beautifully free to move in and through the role He created just for us in this world.

Anyway, back to the launch. I'm scared, really. Scared no one will show up. Scared someone will. But I'll do it. I'm a brave little chicken somehow. That's just me.

So I'll see you there. Or I won't. God loves me 100% no matter what.

And He loves you just as much as He loves me!

We're both completely free to be secure in that - if we choose it.

Want to come with? Yay.

love,