Week Three. Day 15: The dream, the goal, the style

Today, Lauren assigned a daydreaming session. I do this all the time. I think in pictures, so I thought this would be easier. But no. I dream about thinks that would be beautiful, but in a far off untouchable kind of "wouldn't it be lovely" way.

She had us take our deepest wants and turn them into goals.

Am I allowed to do that? (Still struggling.) I struggle with the word "want" because I was raised, taught and drilled that God provides all our needs, but not our wants.

Seriously, though, I've been overwhelmed with His provision of wants. I just can hardly ever make them official.

So I'm not sharing them here. They are way too personal and between me and Jesus. But we're talking.

In fact, I think I'm going to be more honest. Rewrite.

But I realize, because of fear, I do very few things from just "want" and entertainment.

So I want to be completely sold out with all my heart to Jesus. And yet, He created me with a personality that wants. I'm asking Holy Spirit how to examine my desires and weed them out or grow them as He pleases. Change me to have different desires or

to love Him with the desires I have.

I was doing my book study this morning and stopped to pray, "Father, is this emphasis on fashion really something you're leading me through? I feel awkward about it." But this journey is teaching me so much about how we are created.

And then the book study question quotes 1 John 2:15-17 from The Message.

I tried to insert a photo for you from the book “The Holy Spirit, an Introduction” by John Beverley.

But the verse says “Don’t love the world’s ways. Don’t love the world’s goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world - wanting your won way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important - has nothing to do with the Father. it just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out- but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.”

Then he asks 2 questions:

Who or what gets the majority of my time and attention? What do I spend my free time doing? Lately, time has been spent on Pinterest trying to decode what my body can wear that reflects what I’m learning to wear in my heart. And again, I asked, “Lord, are you really in this fashion thing or am I totally trying to buy the world’s affection by buying into the fashion thing?

The next question was Who or what excites me? Are technology and fashion trends in their proper places in my life?

OK WHAT!?

I immediately welcomed the voice of shame and accusation to speak first. And yet… there was something that sounded like Holy Spirit whispering “Look again at the question. How it’s worded.” As I’m re-reading it even now in order to write this, I’m aware that it doesn’t call fashion and tech sin. Rather, it’s just saying to see if those areas are viewed from a surrendered and free heart whose identity is wrapped in His love and looks no other place for validation or escape.

I was definitely paying attention.

Then the book took us to Matthew 6. We are talking in the reference about loving the Lord with all we are. But I felt urged to keep reading. It's the part about Jesus saying not to be anxious about what we eat or wear because that's what people without a relationship with God do?

I'd always felt condemned. That this verse was saying not to think about what to wear or eat. But we have to think about it. We can not live without eating and we'll get arrested if we don't wear something.

But this read through, I was stunned. Jesus said, "Look at the birds and how well they eat. Even the most simple bird. And the flowers of the field are beautifully clothed. God knows you need these things. How much more will He care for you?" Suddenly, I was struck with how beautifully God provides. He's not asking or expecting me to dress in frump or eat poorly in a way that hurts my body in my efforts not to focus on either.

But that is not what it says. Jesus says, "Do not be ANXIOUS." I've been so anxious not to be flashy. I've been so anxious to not spend too much. I've been so anxious about not letting food go bad. I've been so anxious not to waste money, or hardly even spend money. I've been mostly anxious about disappointing the Lord or having anyone judge me as having done so.

Do you see - please tell me you do - how warped this is?

People who do not know the Lord worry about how they look or whether they'll have money to eat or dress. But those who trust the Lord are free. Free to trust that he will take care of us in a beautiful way, not just a functional way. Free to trust that he created us to bloom in a certain season, in certain fields, and gloriously done as well.

And then I looked away from my Bible. When I looked back, I saw the page as a whole. It hit me with such simplicity.

Giving to the Poor and Prayer

We don't have to ask, "Lord should I give to the poor?" Of COURSE, you to give to the poor! Jesus tells us to over and over. The question is, "Lord, how may I with the personality you gave me?" We can not each take care of it all. The only question for each of us is how and where do I take part in this caring?

Am I to fast and pray? Again. Yes! It's not a question of "do I?" but a question of "Lord, how do I, pray and how do I fast?"

I'm weak in both areas. But if I can learn to wait on the Lord and listen well, I can learn. The Lord promises that Holy Spirit will instruct me in all things.

7And as for you, the anointing you received from Him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But just as His TRUE and genuine anointing teaches you about all things, so remain in Him as you have been taught.

(1 John 2;27)

The Cure for Anxiety

My first priority is to give to the poor and to pray and fast for me darling hurting world that Jesus came to give His all for.

Then, eat and dress as I will according to his particular call on my life. I get to be myself. I get to love what I do, whatever it is.

It was as if those two pages open on my Bible were like a vision board that had the categories. And I could dream with Holy Spirit about how to go about that amazingly wonderful life.