“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Today, I’m content and anxious. I have never realized how conditioned I have been to be suspicious of happiness. To expect something bad to follow something good. That I have these thoughts is not surprising to me, that I accept them as truth is.
I just gave myself “10 minutes” to draw the basket of flowers on my living room floor. I felt prompted by the Lord to do this. But, I’m supposed to be having my quiet time, which means I’m supposed to be reading my Bible and filling up my prayer journals.
But I’m learning that Jesus is a very creative teacher.
As I drew, I realized my ten minute drill revealed all kinds of thoughts I host when I put my pencil on paper. I think of artists I’d love to impress who have, by their investment in me, literally changed my whole life. Jed Dorsey. Aeron Brown. And then I thought of people I’m intimidated by. Michelle Rushworth. John Singer Sargent. (Yes, I know he’s dead, but…)
And then I felt anxious to “get it right” so that when people look at it, it will be “look at” worthy.
And then I started to actually see the pretty flowers. That’s a kind of sad progression but I won’t condemn myself for it. It’s just how I think and even that process is continually being protected and nurtured by Holy Spirit.
The treasure came as I got toward the end of my “ten minutes” (in quotes, because I never looked at the clock which was actually right behind the flowers. I just went till it felt like ten minutes. LOL.
…and perhaps I shouldn’t use LOL because readers in the future will wonder what in the world that means, but I’m not in the future. I’m here. Right now. Can you see how my mind races to seek acceptance, rather than accept acceptance? Aargh.