Where was I?

Lydia's Letter

 

AUG•20•2026

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Where were we?

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What just happened?!

To be honest, I feel like I signed on for 4 marathons.  I've made it to the finish line for 3 of them.  Now I need to gear up for the final.

# 1

June 13 - Davis and Lizaan got Married!

We went to South Africa!  We spent the week leading up to the wedding getting over jet lag, visiting with Ash, seeing Davis & Lizaan's new apartment, caravanning all in one car from Potchefstrum to Still Bay.  We even slid in an Ash turns 30 go cart day and a safari!

It was one test after another for Davis and Lizaan.  The fridge wouldn't level.  The couch they wanted got sold before they could get there.  Lizaan's dress had to be remade.  There were so many things, but they held it together as a team.  SO proud of them.  Here's a few pics from the trip.  

Davis lived in the apartment till the wedding.  It's has now undergone a Lizaan transformation and they love it. (This is a "before" shot)

Got to tour the new Fire and Fragrance base headquarters!  This used to be a bar called Bourbons.  What a redemption testimony!

Ash turned 30 while we were together so we went for a "sesh" of go karts and later a nice dinner.

We all sardined happily into Davis' car.  We napped upright, ate well, soaked in scenery and even fit in a few landmarks and a safari!  All while dodging flooded roads and having to rebook bnb's as a result! 

Our favorite quote: "This is such a good idea!"

Then we marvelled as we went from here.

To HERE!  

It was incredible to see everyone pull together to redeem what the flood took away.

Lizelle (Lizaan's mom) saved the dress and pulled us all together with such grace.

And the day was a true celebration of worship, commitment and family!

(Davis taking a prayer break before we went up to ceremony)

Event #2

Aug 2 - The USA reception  

Davis and Lizaan came to North Carolina for a reception, California to renew Davis' visa and finally to Camano Island to get legally married in the U.S. and celebrate with those who couldn't make the trek to S Africa!  

We baked and decorated and had fun.  Laina flew up but we so missed Ash who can't enter the US till that fiance visa is stamped into his passport!  More on that in my letter.

Davis and Lizaan celebrating getting their American marriage license!

At the end of the reception, the kids signed their U.S. license.  It was such a special moment.  The two witnesses were unable to go to the wedding in S. Africa.  Gammie, at 100, couldn't physically make the trip and Austin, Davis's closest friend from college, had just bought a new business and had to be in Canada for the launch.        They both got to sign and pray over Davis & Lizaan.  Our dear friend, Daniel, officiated.  He and Anita have become total prayer warriors for our tribe!

(My friend took pics of the reception, so I don't have much to show you yet as they are being edited.  Sorry bout that.)

I made a cutting cake and "Bougie Sandy" finished it according to our pinterest inspo!

Event #3

Aug 16 - Rich's 70th!

We had friends dress like their decade of choice in Rich's lifespan and bring iconic party food to match.  It was a hoot.  Sweetly, there were people at the party from every decade of Rich's life!

The favorite game was putting major events of Rich's life in order.  Wait. What?  You applied for clown college after you had a masters degree?  (I met him AFTER the clown phase.  LOL)

#4

Waiting for Laina's Wedding!

I slept for 2 days after the party and now we are full on for the final event, Laina's wedding.  The fiance visa has been a trial by fire.  I have never known two harder working people as Ash and Laina.  Both got college degrees while working more than full time in ministry.  They have jumped through every hoop and signed every document.  And still we wait.  That Ash is willing to relocate to California is a sacrifice none of us take for granted.  But the visa application process is not for cowards for the faint of heart.   

I'll share a tad more in the letter at the end here.

On the art front!

I have gone through SUCH a dry spell.  To be honest, until today, I could not have said if I really wanted to be an artist any more. 

I do still want to be an artist.  But not the same way.  I don't know what to say about it, but I'm taking time to get my heart in the right place before I ask the Lord how to go forward. 

The only thing I have painted these past few months was Davis and Lizaan's wedding watercolor.  I also had it made into cards for them.  They faithfully hand wrote thank you notes for wedding gifts.  Handwritten notes is an artform that may be getting a revival.  We got thank you's for the thank you.  So tender.

You're still here?  wow.  I guess it's time to let you in on the backstage of my heart.

The Letter Part

I have started a great many things this year.  Paintings that are still waiting to be completed.  A podcast waiting to be official.  A meal plan waiting to be implemented.  A book waiting to be finished and published. A ministry idea called "One Day" which has interest and people waiting for me to make it official. Boxes half emptied.  Drawers half organized.

There are things we waited for that became celebrations.  We have waited to know when and if Davis & Lizaan could get married after so many roadblocks.  It was a perfect wedding.

But we are still waiting for Ash to get his fiance' visa so we can have this wedding as well. Every step has been an open door for a mama's worry and anxiety.  When your children are hurting, you carry it.

I have gone through some deep heart surgery in my spirit.  I have learned that I haven't really been praying over these roadblocks so much as worrying out loud at Jesus.  

This week we all covered Ash in prayer as he flew to Sydney from Melbourne for his embassy interview.  It was supposed to just be a formality.  But it wasn't.  They wanted more.  We all felt gutted.  We gathered the "more" and now we're waiting - again.

I'm gonna confess that I got a little mad.  How can so many people flood over our borders while the people doing everything properly are being dissected as if they are being underhanded or dishonest?   Not very noble of me, but I can go Mama Bear at times.

But it's been really hard not to write a letter to the embassy saying something only a mother would say.

But it seems like I'm in a divine setup.  Our church has spent several weeks in Matthew addressing our culture of epidemic levels of worry and anxiety.  God says "don't worry" and yet I find myself at his feet asking "How do I don't?"  

I asked God, "How do I not carry this when you say to bear one another's burdens?"  He made it clear to me that we don't carry things for someone just to carry it.  We carry it TO someplace.  In this area of bearing burdens, we are to carry them TO HIM.  Where we lay them at His feet,    let    go    and trust Him.  The friends who carried their friend on a mat carried him to Jesus.  And they didn't feel responsible to carry him after that.  He was healed because they got him to the feet of Jesus.

So this week, when we are shocked with yet another setback, I heard 

God say to me gently, "This is a really great opportunity for you not to worry." 

Huh...

Turns out that the only good opportunity to learn how to "not worry" is when we would most naturally worry.  After all, when things are going easily, there's no opportunity or need to worry - unless I have learned to fret and worry habitually about everything from a deep seated fear that I am lacking something.

And THAT is where the rub comes.  As I have sat rather frozen these past few months, unable to paint, unable to write, unable to process, unable to produce, unable to sketch, unable to sing, unable to decide who I'm supposed to be...  in this overly full empty space, I am discovering that God loves even the empty me.

Every major event lately has been over the top good.  But there's also a grieving as you let go of one precious thing to make room for another.  Our children are giving their hearts to people cherry picked for them by the kind heart of God.  We couldn't have possibly found better soulmates for each of them.  But they are now adults who will make their way with their newly formed family.  

Rich and I are now facing a redefining mirror.  Who are we meant to be now?  

For Rich, the affirmation of new beginnings has been stellar and in stereo.  It's his story to tell so I'll let it go at that.  But it has been a wonder to behold.

For me, though, it has been an invitation to come home to my first love.  

Today, Rich was off helping a friend move to a new apartment.  I snuck away to the beach by myself and found the thing I was aching for. 

Solitude. 

I'm alone a lot in our house, but the dishes are loud and the clutter is loud and the endless "to do list" is loud. And the knowing that the minute I start to create is like a magnet for interruptions. 

I needed to leave, be outside, be alone, be still, be refreshed.

I took nothing but my journal, a towel and some water.  I just sat.  I wrote a bit.  It was a breakthrough.  I haven't journaled well for weeks.  I even sketched.  I didn't sketch well but it was really good.  Something released.  Something returned.

I listened to toddlers playing on the beach.  We were the only people there, just three families and me.  Their children's little voices were so animated.  So thrilled to just have a plastic cup and the ocean.  The parents did not say one deep theological thing.  They were just present, keeping them safe, allowing them to be lost in wonder.  There were no instructive life lessons given.  Nothing to quote or make note of.

And yet these are the days a mother looks back and treasures the memory of in her 60's.  Her married children will always still be her babies, precious just because they are hers.  Long before they ever accomplished anything. 

These sweet beach babies were not worried children.

Jesus says to come like that.  It seems too simple.  Almost uncomfortable to an adult who feels I could be more acceptable if I come with accomplishments.  I have been so naive to think that Jesus would so shallow like the world is.  

The world says, "Prove yourself, then you'll be accepted."  Jesus says, "You are completely accepted.  Now you are free to go do wildly wonderful things."

I'm still waiting on so many things.  Truth be told, I'm afraid of good things sometimes.  I can worry-wait.  Like a "responsible adult" should do.

But I can wade-in-the-water-wait, basking in simple things.  Thankful.  Childlike. 

I feel a pressure even now, not to be quiet.  People are waiting on me.  But I need to be here - in my Father's house - like young Jesus did as a child.   

But the truth?  I'm not the only one who has been waiting.  I think it's quite possible that Jesus has been waiting.   On me.  Waiting for me - just to come home, where He is.  Waiting with arms wide open.

sigh

It's good to be home.

love,

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