Why procrastination feels like progress
I already posted today.
I already wrote about a list I was going to make.
Instead, I ate lunch. Napped. Read my novel and ate ice cream.
There was a wee bit of satisfaction in it.
But the question is WHY?
Why does procrastination, lethal as it is, hold this element of progress. Just enough to keep me procrastinating rather than actually progressing?
Procrastination is a liar and a counterfeit.
We all know that. But why do I feel like I've actually accomplished something, even if I feel guilty about it?
#1 Procrastination is actually a decision.
I turn to procrastination not so much to avoid doing something unpleasant as much as to avoid doing something important.
I will do important things for others, but rarely for myself. In fact, some of my procrastination comes in the costume of righteous or helpful acts for others. But what's really going on is that I don't feel I deserve to have my name on the cover of a book, so instead I'll promote someone else's. I don't feel like I deserve to be paid for my work, so I'll give away my work and run a gallery for other artists. Hopefully, the thanks and approval I get will be a satisfying substitute for positive feedback or profitability I would otherwise have running my own gallery or selling my own paintings.
I confuse it by mixing my work in with others. Oddly, if my work sells the best - as it often does - I'll stop painting. Let them catch up. What is that!?
I'll procrastinate posting on my own social media by posting on The Loft so that I can hide behind posting about others and not feel like I'm bragging.
Ah! One reason I procrastinate is to avoid being judged for bragging. Again, I don't feel like I can stand behind my work or be pleased with it just because. It has to be there for a reason bigger than me so I can hide behind the reason if it gets criticized.
#2 I procrastinate because I'm afraid of being beautiful